Disclaimer: This will be a rather pensive entry, which may not make sense. So do not read if you do not like it.

School has been rather busy for me... but it has always been. But beyond that, school has been really stressful, in tangible and intangible ways....

Sometimes I really wonder if that's the real ME i see in school. More often than not, i realise it's just someone I convince myself to me... in short, I am a faker. Do i really mean alot of the stuff I do, the stuff i say, the stuff I show? Just like actors in a play, are they the same once the curtains have fallen?

There's so many things I like to do (for the benefit of readers, I shall not bore you with the long list)... but really, i have no time for them... ermm maybe it's just a lack of effort. Yet in most circumstances, I am overinfluenced by others, to be someone I am not, to like things i do not.

RJC is like a rat race. But I do not like the race - i want to learn at my own pace, do other stuff i enjoy - yet i do not want to do badly (which is what is happening to me right now) will I always be a follower, struggling to catchup with the leading pack? Yet even if i win the race, what does that make me? A rat - albeit a glorified one?

I have lofty ambitions, i admit. I want to make more money, so that I can give my parents the best I can give, and allow them to enjoy the finer sides of life. I want to make a difference in what I do, cos i believe that is ultimately the aim to everything - the light at the end of the tunnel.

But can i do it? Can i release that passion or potential in me to match those dreams? Can i let the real ME take over?

Wake up from your slumber, let out the real ME

Labels: Random Musings